Love and Loneliness
by psychoconfusion
Summary: The head of the Kuchiki clan meets his match in his new lieutenant, but she has more to offer than being a good subordintae. Warning some lemons and character deaths!
1. Reunion

Love and Loneliness

_**Love and Loneliness**_

It had been a few years 5 to be in fact, since the downfall of Aizen Sousuke. There were many lives lost but more importantly, many lives were saved in that horrific war. But trivial matters such as life and death never bothered the great Byakuya Kuchiki, not until one very special shinigami came back into his life and flipped his world upside down.

Uemasu Shihoun was unlike most women her age. She was born into a time of peace and love but was always overshadowed by her sister. Her sister loved combat and she couldn't stand to fight without reason. Her parents of course influenced her to go to the academy for training to become a great shingami but rarely after receiving her zanpaktou did she release it to let it become its greater form. She only released it in the secret training grounds her sister used. Nobody knew of the power her zanpaktou held. Of course because of her nobility and influence of her parents she really never had to use it. She was very adept at kido and would be a great fighter if she would step up and fight.

You could see by her words alone "I have no need to fight and nothing to protect", that fighting never appealed to her. So fighting was out of the picture. There was only one person who had ever seen her zanpaktou released and he was long gone off as a captain of the Gotei 13.

_**Chapter 1**_

_**REUNION**_

Uemasu was so excited to see the posting she had stayed up all night for. This just wasn't any normal day. This is the day she decided that her life would change and she would grow up. To do what she needed she needed a specific seat to open in a specific squad. Suddenly she noticed her friend walking in the opposite direction.

"Rukia-chan! Hey Rukia-chan!"

"Uemasu-san! What's the big rush for?"

"Did you see it? The second seat of squad 6 is finally accepting applications. Its taken Kuchiki-taicho long enough to open it up hasn't it? I mean Renji-taicho was promoted a long time ago."

"Well it's been five years now so I would say so but why are you so excited?"

"This is my big chance finally to prove to my sister that I can be something in the Gotei 13!"

"Are you still trying to impress Yoruichi-sama?"

"Well of course! She is the head of the clan and with her not being married or producing heirs she has to either give up being the head of the clan or marry and have kids! And if she steps down I would have to get her approval and the families to run the clan!"

"But you would have to take over as a captain first right?"

With that Uemasu had already started running off in the direction of the 6th squad office.

"Bye Rukia-chan! I will talk to you later!"

Uemasu knew Rukia-chan knew what she was thinking. The one person who could help her become a captain was a friend she hasn't talked to in over 50 years. He was the person who had personally trained her before she went to the Academy, after she had first become a shinigami. Byakuya Kuchiki.

"_Byakuya! Yoruichi! Wait up! Sissy! That's not fair you know mommy said no flash steps!"_

_All of a sudden Uemasu fell and started crying. Byakuya turned around when he heard this. Uemasu always held a weak spot in Byakuya's heart. She was so cute and still so young and naïve. Being from a noble family had not yet changed her heart or spirit as it had for Byakuya._

"_Byakuya let her be she needs to toughen up more."_

"_Yoruichi she's still young you need to be nice to her."_

_Yoruichi felt bad. She wanted Byakuya to act like that towards her but it never happened she was too strong, too tough for Byakuya to care in that way for her._

"_Thank you Byakuya-sama". Uemasu said with tears in her eyes._

"_I will always be here for you Uemasu. All you have to do is call my name."_

Uemasu sincerely hoped he would remember his promise to her when she walked into his office to apply that day. Suddenly she smelled something very familiar.

"Applying is just the first step Uemasu."

Slowly Uemasu turned to see Kuchiki-taicho standing right behind her, looking down at the application she held so tight in her hands.

_Why didn't I see him coming or at least feel his reiatsu when he walked in?_

"Kuchiki-taicho!"

Uemasu bowed as low as she could but unfortunately in her haste to bow forgot that a desk was there and proceeded to smack her head against it and was knocked out cold.

When Uemasu woke up her head hurt a bit but she was surprised to see Byakuya staring at her with a weird look on his face.

"You are still as clumsy as ever aren't you? Well I suppose that would be something we would have to see to. Follow me for the next round of the try-outs."

Uemasu was completely stunned. She thought that with that completely clumsy move she would be disqualified for sure, but she followed him nonetheless. She knew where he was going. He was leading her towards the one place she felt comfortable releasing her zanpaktou, Yoruichi's secret training grounds beneath what used to be Soukyoku Hill.

"Kuchiki-taicho, why here? Don't I need to be out in the open? I can't be all alone with you down there!"

"Are you scared something will happen?"

_Yes_. "No."

"So let's go."

"Yes taicho."

Once they got down to the training grounds she was surprised to see nothing had changed since she had been there all those years ago. Then as swiftly as the thought occurred to her she was attacked.

"C'mon Uemasu, you are slower than usual today. What is wrong with you?"

Luckily she had drawn her zanpaktou quickly enough to fend him off and make him withdraw a few feet.

"Release her, Uemasu! I can here her begging to be free from here."

"Fly, Shiorashii Senbotsu!"(Sweet death in battle)

It was one of the most amazing zanpaktou he had ever seen in his life. He remembers when he first saw her zanpaktou released.

_59 years ago_

"_Byakuya watch this! Fly,_ _Shiorashii Senbotsu!"_

_A pair of jet black wings grew out of her back allowing her the ability of easy flight and added defense. Her zanpaktou was black and blood red. The zanpaktou itself was cured upward and was one of the few dual zanpaktou he had ever seen. It's unbelievable how strong she is considering she has never trained._

"_Byakuya that's not all!"_

"_Block, Shiirudo!"_

_At that point, one of the zanpaktou immediately transformed into a metal shield that covered her from head to toe._

"_Attack me Byakuya Kuchiki. And you better not go easy on me!"_

_Unfortunately she was only able to hold the form for a few minutes before she fell from the sky. She had passed out due to the vast amount of energy it took to control such an amazing and powerful zanpaktou._

_Byakuya never found flash steps came in handy until he needed to use them to save her life._

_Uemasu woke up in one of the healing springs, completely naked with Byakuya right next to her. He was also completely naked._

_Shocked, she tried to move and get away but Byakuya was quick to catch her and hold her gently in his arms reassuring her with sweet words that made her feel hot._

_She remembers the feel of his lips against hers and the sweet taste in his mouth. At that point she quickly got up from the springs and apologized. She got into her clothes and quickly ran away, tears flowing freely from her eyes for the man she loved but would never have. He got married three years later and she has kept her distance ever since, until now._

Suddenly, she struck him down to one knee. Damn! He forgot he was in the middle of battle. Then a large amount of blood started pouring out from his shoulder.

"Uemasu, that's all I need. Your transfer will be effective starting next week. I shall let soutaicho know of it. I expect you will reach bankai soon with the way you were fighting today. Are you coming with me to the springs or are you going to leave like last time.

Uemasu gasped. She had thought she was the only one to remember what had happened 59 years ago in this place but it seems she wasn't.

"Thank you Kuchiki-Taicho but no I shall not join you but I will see you next week Iceman."

"What did you call me?"

"Iceman. For the man whose heart has frozen over."

"Leave now or you might regret it!"

He couldn't believe she had called him that. Sure he showed no emotion. But to lead a squad and a household with emotion is showing weakness. Weakness is not for a leader of people. Neither is love. Hisana had shown him that. He couldn't even protect her from death. Who was he to fall in love and have them die…again.

She couldn't believe it! Me, Uemasu, a lieutenant. We did it, Shiorashii!

_We could do more Uemasu! We could achieve bankai. You are so close! I will show you the way soon! But first I will guide you somewhere else._

The other thing she couldn't believe is that she actually called her Taicho that. It wasn't that he was now literally her taicho, but even when he was married, he was hers. Heart and mind were always on him and always with him, even through 59 years of separation. As she flash stepped home, she felt tears flowing freely from her eyes. I am a cold, dead warrior now. No longer a woman. I am not even fighting to protect anything. I am only fighting to show off power and strength for my own gain. I always swore that I would never become like this. Even in the war against Aizen, she was fighting to protect all those people from death. Even now with Gin still out there with the Hougyoku, times were peaceful. So why fight? Especially against her Byakuya. She wanted to turn back. She wanted to run into those strong, loving arms and apologize. She wanted to make him unfreeze.

Rukia stood there, watching what had happened between her nii-sama and her best friend in this world. She had known Uemasu almost her entire life, and only one time had she seen her upset like this_. Damn you Byakuya. When will you learn that the love you have been searching for has always been right there for you. Why do you always have to hurt her so much. I didn't understand love could be so painful until the day he left to go back to the real world, but I understand now. At least you can hold yours and she is always right there if you just opened your eyes). I wish Yoruichi was here. She would beat that right into my stubborn proud noble nii-sama's head _

_**Meanwhile in Hueco Mundo**_

Gin was looking through the information Aizen had told him about shortly before his death. He was still the same as before and came out of the war generally unscathed except for the scar right above his heart where Rangiku had pieced him. Damn her. This information will play a vital part in carrying out his plans but he had to wait and bide his time. Eventually the time will come where his plans would be finalized and the power he had always dreamed of attaining would be his for the taking. Then Rangiku will be punished for leaving a blemish on his perfect body. And she will also come to him. He couldn't help but smile at the plan that was formulating in his head. His laughter was so evil it even shook the resurrected Espada._  
_


	2. Awakening

Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

_**Awakening**_

The week went by really fast and Uemasu found herself sitting in a desk opposite her Taicho. As happy as she was that she was now a lieutenant, she was depressed and overwhelmed by the fact that the man, who made a promise to her oh so long ago, was now a cold, heartless man. The little Bya-boo she had loved so much from her childhood and adolescence was gone. And the only person she blamed in the world was herself.

Out of all the people she wanted to talk to right now, one came to mind very quickly. The one person who always was there when she needed an ear or a shoulder to cry on was always at her beck and call, if she could find her.

"Kukaku!"

"Uemasu, what happened to you? You look horrible! Has Kuchiki-taicho been loading all the paperwork on you or has he been making you train the squad too much?"

"No. I'm having different problems with Byakuya-sama lately.

"Byakuya-sama? Oh no. I already know and I say if you can break through the shell, go for it! You have crushed on him for so long, Kami knows you can do with a bit of lovin' from the man you have crushed on for 59 years."

"I have not as you so elegantly put it, crushed on him for 59 years! Its more like 69."

Both Uemasu and Kukaku laughed at this.

So after dinner and staying the night and being punched in the face three separate times, Uemasu left to go to work. She had decided that tonight would be the night she would get her Kuchiki-taicho. She just didn't know how. For that she needed A LOT of help. For that she needed:

"Ran-san!"

"Uemasu! What are you doing here?"

"I need you help."

"With what?"

"How do I ask a man to go out on a date?"

"Oh. Who's the lucky guy that you want a date with? Wait. Let me guess. Kuchiki-taicho. Right?"

"How did you know?"

"Every girl comes to me wanting advice on how to woo Kuchiki-taicho. I helped Hisana with the same problem."

"You were the one who hooked up Hisana with Byakuya-sama?"

" The one and only."

"So can you help me?"

"For you my love anything."

With that Rangiku-san and Uemasu hatched a long and very extensive plan. After nearly being suffocated on six separate occasions, they finally had a plan that would work. At least she hoped it would work.

The next day.

"Kuchiki-taicho?"

"Yes fukutaicho."

"I have some forms that I am not quite familiar with yet. Do you think you could come over to my house tonight to help me understand them?"

" You do paperwork after the day has ended?"

"Yes sir."

"I usually don't like to conduct work matters after work, but I guess I could make one exception. Meet me at my place at 1900 (seven o'clock) tonight. Bring the paperwork and don't be late ok?"

For a moment, there was a shadow in his eyes that was different from his normally stoic and emotionless face he put on. Little did she know he was planning a little something of his own to try and get her to finally realize he wasn't the "Iceman" everyone including she claimed him to be.

Meanwhile her heart was leaping for joy. She had a date with her secret crush that she had held in her heart all these years.

" _I don't think you should rush into things. He might not have those types of intentions. After all it was you who turned him away at the training grounds twice now. He may think that you coming over is truly for business reasons._

"Thanks Shiorashii. But I'm going to make sure he knows what my intentions are and he will respond. I know it."

_Byakuya what are you thinking? There is no way that she is coming over for anything other than business. You know how she is, you know what she does to you. Think of what could happen to the squad and your reputation. But you have wanted her for a long time. Even when you were with Hisana you would always think of her. She drives you crazy and she can be really tough to deal with. There's one person you can always talk to about things like this and you still have lots of time._

"Obehan. May I have a word with you?"

Yes my Bya-boo. You have been looking like something has been troubling you as of late. What is on your mind my little nephew?"

"I think I am in love but I don't know if I am and every time I try to make a move she always runs away. I have a date with her tonight and I want it to go smoothly. Can you help?"

"Its Uemasu who is coming over tonight isn't it?"

"What?! How did you know?"

"My little man I have always known that you love her even when you said that you loved Hisana."

"So what can I do?"

"Tell her."

"But what if she doesn't want what I do?"

"As long as you have told her how you feel, everything will work itself out."

"But Obehan…."

"That's enough Oikko! I have stood by too long and haven't told you what the rest of the clan has been too scared to tell you. You have let yourself live in ice far too long. The clan is not only worried about an heir any longer. They are worried that the ice will kill you if it grows any larger. Break free Obehan! We no longer care of status or the clans well being. Even your Ankuru agrees with me and no longer objects to you finding love!"

"Obehan….."

Byakuya said this with tears in his eyes as he realized the truth. He had been shut out for too long. His heart, which was once caring and gentle, had turned to stone.

"I understand, Obehan."

With that said he turned around and walked away. Finally he was ready to open his heart and soul. Fifty years after he had first closed it off to the world. He went to the one place he could think of to start healing.

"HIsana, please forgive me. I have grieved for far too long. I am going to let you go now. Its time for me to fall in love again. I will remember you forever.

"Scatter, Senbonzakura."

With that he picked a piece of his soul and laid it upon her shrine. The piece of his zanpaktou was glowing slightly as he closed the doors on his old love, ready to start a new life with the woman he finally, after 59 years, realized he truly wanted to spend his life with.

Uemasu didn't know what to think. Just one hour until she would change her life and finally allow herself to love the man she had loved all those years. Actually the thought was very frightening. It was almost as though she knew that tonight would be the night but the thought had never occurred to her. How could she tell him that she had saved her heart soul and body specifically for him? She just hoped he would keep his promise and be there when she really needed him. Now she really had a big problem though. What is she going to wear?


	3. Firsts

**Firsts**

**Chapter 3**

Uemasu looked at herself in the mirror and decided that this one was perfect. She should have just put this outfit on in the first place seeing that it is her favorite. She brought this home with her from her first and so far only visit to the world of the living. To tell the truth she only wore this outfit when she was meeting or doing something special. It was so revealing that it offended most people here in Seretei. So she decided to put a simple dress on over the outfit so that she could easily take it off when she arrived at Byakuya's home.

Suddenly the clock chimed and she jumped when she looked over and saw that she was now officially late. In that one second she smelled the sweet scent of cherry blossoms and immediately knew who it was. Then she felt a pair of cold hands on her shoulders.

"You are late."

"I'm so sorry taicho."

"Are you ready to leave yet?"

"Yes Taicho."

The only thing Byakuya could think was that he was thankful it was Friday and they had the weekend off from office work. He picked Uemasu up and immediately began to flash step. He was taking her somewhere special.

Uemasu was surprised when he picked her up and began to flash step. She didn't know where they were going she just knew that wherever they were going that this was the day her life was going to change. She immediately began to cling to his haori and she laid her head down on his chest. When she heard his calm even breathing she relaxed and immediately fell asleep seeing that she had not been sleeping well this past week.

When she woke up, she was in a very soft and large bed. She didn't recognize where she was at, at least not immediately. It seemed to be a little late in the evening. As she looked around more she recognized it though she hadn't been here in a little over sixty years.

They were in the very private estate of the Kuchiki clan. Only the head of the clan and the people he personally invited were allowed in. She was just a child when she was here, invited by none other than Byakuya's grandfather who at the time was head of the clan. On property there were only two servants a cook and a gardener. At that point she felt very out of place.

"Good evening, my little Uemasu. How did you sleep?"

She turned around to see that Byakuya was sitting in a chair right beside the bed. Was he sitting there watching her sleep the entire time? He had taken off his haori and kenseiken and looked like just a regular man, though a very handsome one at that. It took a minute for her to catch her breath when she saw him.

"Dinner is ready and waiting if you are hungry."

"I am hungry. Thank you taicho."

"Please, don't call me that tonight. I am simply Byakuya to you or you can call me my nickname you used to use before…"

His voice trailed off as if he didn't want to speak what he would have said. Though when she looked at his beautiful pale eyes she noticed that there was actually a little emotion there. It was gone as quickly as it had come. Has the ice surrounding his heart possibly melted away?

After dinner they took a walk out into the garden. Neither of them said a word as they walked. His face looked as though he was about to jump for joy and she noticed a very small smile had appeared on his face. It was almost as if he had planned something. Did he have the same feelings in his heart that were there all those years ago? Finally they reached the central courtyard's garden and what she saw not only shocked but amazed her.

"Do you remember this place my little Uea?"

"Yes. This is the place we planted the cherry blossom tree all those years ago."

As she looked up at the tree she remembered that day.

_Uemasu was about nine years old in human years and Byakuya was about ten. They had dug a hole together. Byakuya picked up a very small seed and placed it in the hole. Together they covered the hole with dirt and it immediately started to rain._

"_My little Uea."_

"_Yes Byakuya?"_

"_When this tree blooms into a full tree, I will marry you."_

"_Duh! We are betrothed to each other my kareshi."_

"_But I am going to marry you because I love you and I always will."_

_**Fifteen years later**_

_Byakuya stood underneath the pagoda that was built just the way he liked it. He was looking down at his little Uea. She was the most beautiful thing in the world to him. The pagoda was built right underneath the cherry tree they had planted. As she looked up she turned around and flash stepped out of the courtyard. Byakuya just stood there shocked. After a moment he realized where she was going and quickly flash stepped after her._

_He found her at Soukyoku Hill. She was crying so hard she could barely catch her breath._

_Uemasu could smell the cherry blossoms coming and didn't care._

"_Byakuya I am so sorry."_

"_What's wrong my little Uea?"_

"_I can't marry you Byakuya. That is not fair to ask you to marry me because of the duty we have to our families. You promised me that you would marry only for love. But I can't love you! Not now! I haven't even grown up yet."_

_At this point she started to cry harder. Byakuya sat next to her and took her in his arms. This was hard on him because he realized in that instant that she didn't love him like he loved her._

"_I'm sorry Byakuya but if we are meant to be together we will be together again."_

_She took the ring off her finger and tried to give it back to Byakuya._

"_No Uea. I promised my mother when she gave me this ring that I would give it to the woman I fell in love with. Please keep it. At least you will be able to know that I still love you."_

"_Byakuya."_

_He heard a faint I'm sorry as she flash stepped away. He only saw her twice after that. Once when she graduated from the academy and again at Hisana's funeral._

_Uemasu._

"I broke your heart back all those years ago. Byakuya I am so sorry."

"Actually I want to thank you for that. You made me grow up that day and you also made me realize that love doesn't exist at least not in the way I thought it did."

"But your heart became cold like ice and it's because of me."

She walked up to Byakuya and placed a hand on his chest. She also placed a light kiss on his lips hoping that the ice wasn't too thick. After a moment he grabbed the back of her head and deepened the kiss. He tasted her mouth with his tongue. When she broke away she was breathless and her heart was pounding.

"Byakuya, I need you."

With that he kissed her with more passion and ferocity. He knew that she needed him in more ways than one. She needed love passion and heat. He picked her up and brought her inside still kissing her. He laid her down on the bed and slowly took her clothes off. He laid her clothes on the chair he was sitting on earlier and proceeded to take off his own. She was absolutely gorgeous. She had white hair and violet eyes that could capture a man right down to his soul.

He lay down next to her and kissed her again. His hands moved down across her stomach lightly. The places he touched seemed to catch on fire. Then he finally made his way to the small nub between her legs and started to rub it very gently. He could tell she had never been touched but decided not to say anything about it. She was moaning very softly and it just intensified his need for her. He started to kiss her neck and slowly moved down to her perfectly rounded breasts. He took her nipple in his mouth. He heard her passion intensify as she sucked in her breath at the touch of his tongue. He moved down her body, savoring the taste and softness of her skin against his tongue and lips. He finally reached her most sensitive spot and began stroking it with his tongue. He started off softly and teasingly then intensified the speed. When she reached her peak she began to rock against his mouth following her instinct. He felt she was now ready and he moved up to kiss her lightly. He positioned himself between her legs and entered her core. He stopped for a minute remembering that it hurt for a woman when she had her first, then he started moving inside of her. He knew she was enjoying herself. She looked content with the world for a minute until once again she started to climb to the peak. Byakuya could feel that he was almost at his peak. He started to go faster and deeper until, together, they reached the peak. It was the most amazing feeling in the world for the both of them. Finally after decades the world was right.

Uemasu awoke a few hours later, a little sore but bubbling with happiness. She finally got what she wanted. Her taicho was now her man. She noticed that he was not in the bed with her. She knew where he was so she wrapped herself up in his haori and walked out to the central garden.

"You are going to make it hard for me to wear that now."

"Why is that?"

"Because the image of you in nothing else is permanently implanted in my brain."

She went to go sit down next to him. She noticed that he was shivering slightly since he was only wearing a pair of pants and no shirt, so she sat down close to him and opened up the haori.

"Care to join me?"

Byakuya walked to her and slipped inside the haori.

They sat there for a few minutes. She was just simply stroking his soft raven black hair. He was enjoying it immensely. Then he just couldn't help but to ask her a question that was burning in his mind for all those years.

"Uea?"

"Yes kareshi?"

"Were you ever truly in love with me back then?"

Uea knew the question would eventually come up so she thought it would be better to discuss now more than ever.

"I always loved you."

"Then why did you leave me at the pagoda of all places?"

"I wasn't ready for you. You joined the academy just a few months later and I knew that if I was the wife of a nobleman I wouldn't have been able to follow my dreams and become a shinigami also. I wanted to be by your side all the time. In battle and leading a squad. The Kuchiki family squad. I didn't want to sit at home waiting for you never knowing if you were out there dying alone. The thought killed me. So I decided that I wanted to start training and living my life. We have forever Byakuya. I will be by your side forever whether you love me still or not."

Byakuya sat in contemplation of her words, which of course, were true His grandfather was still alive at the time and still the head of the clan. He would have never let his grandson's wife become a shinigami. A true noble's wife stayed at home and waited proudly for their husbands to come home. What the head of the clan stated was law, no matter how much you fought it.

"I still love you Uea."

"I love you Byakuya Kuchiki."


End file.
